Throwing seeds on the ground is not gardening

I did not complete my vow. I knew I was out of my league and ulitmately done-for very early on. I knew even upon saying the words out loud, that I was wasting my breath.  I wanted to make the grand statement. I wanted to make it easier.

I should know better. I'm almost 50 for crying out loud.

I had a plan in my head. Which is always the worst place to keep a plan. I keep so much stuff up there. A bit of a hoarder. I have to admit. I was a collector and things in the collection are in pretty good shape but it's almost all trivia. I could compete in Jeopardy if I had a better filing system.

I have a lot of stuff in big piles. I feel comfortable that it's there and believe that I could move things around and find something. If I really needed to find it. That's if I really needed to find it. I know couldn't do it with that Jeopardy music playing. I just start humming along when I hear that.

How could things have turned out any differently. No real plan. All icing no cake. All sizzle no steak. So life happens. All this kind of life happens. Just like it does everyday until doesn't. I lived that life and failed to complete my vow. It's pretty sad. We are talking about one hour a day for a month.

No matter how I feel about that, it won't change the fact. I made a vow and I can't go back. You don't get out like that. It's not the time it's the act. So let's begin again and prepare a forward path.

So, I think of my mind. Not as a storage place with file and piles.

Instead I find it is more like a garden that has become overgrown with invasive species and other plants that dominate aggressively. I need to create space within my mind for the language and place that is fertile and can be easily attended. I need to create a language garden in my mind.

Clear out a place and prepare the bed. Pulling out the other plants, turning over the soil. I have to garden every day planting and watering and keeping it in the sun.

I call my mother and I ask her for these words.

kistigan -garden
geestigan - I put in the garden